January 17, 2025
I feel like Chapter 2 deserves a happy ending and I have one.
I began writing a recap of the last year and I stopped because you can go back and read about all of that on your own time. I'm embracing the good. I'm not going back there and I have some exciting news to share.
My youngest son is hugging me again. I know that doesn't sound like too big of a deal but it is to me. He stopped hugging me when he was six years old. At the time, I thought that maybe it was just a normal thing that some kids do, even though his older brother has always been a hugger and continues to do so even to this day.
I realized that he had stopped hugging me because he thought he'd become contaminated or that he would somehow contaminate me. It was a realization that knocked the wind out of my sails a little bit. It meant that he had been suffering alone for all that time and I didn't recognize it. Suddenly, all the angst he felt made sense, because we lost six years of something worth more than all the riches in the world.
Well, not anymore. He's making up for all that "lost" time and hugs me around four times a day now. They are sweet little preteen hugs and I'm not turning a single one down. He's in his full and ripe preteen glory and you know what I'm talking about if you have or have had a son. I bought him some "man-spray" as he calls it and I'm just so thankful that God is still allowing us this sweet time together.
It's truly the little things that make life worth living. We could go back and talk about the utter hopelessness and desperation of last summer but I'm choosing to look forward. He started with active compulsions at 84% in September and here we are in January, just four months later, and he is at ZERO.
It wasn't for nothing. The sleepless nights, the endless tear-filled prayers, the three specialists, the hours of therapy, all of it played an enormous part in getting my little guy back on track. I know how privileged we are. I understand that not everyone has the ability or the means to pour into a months long moment in time. I'm so thankful that I'm his mother, and that God put this on my plate, because Lord knows, I give my all. I don't back down and I don't shy away from hard things. Like a rock, I stand firm. đź’™
But I wasn't alone. I don't know that I give God enough credit. I'm literally not capable of half the things I'm able to do. It's because of my faith. It's what gets me through. Everything has to be in its right place. My relationships have to be healthy. I have to be fed and watered like some average flower in order to produce my very best. I've got to be prayed up and steady and well rested in order to function properly.
Things get hard. So hard, but I'm confident in Christ and that's it. This is how we do it. There's no mystery. No magic word or wand or enchantment, it's just hard work and putting one foot in front of the other. It's one day at a time and knowing that nothing lasts forever. Seasons change and relationships evolve but one remains constant and that's Jesus.
I'm thankful for these life-lessons while my children are still under our care. We are thriving and are rich in love and my children understand resilience in this harsh and hard world.
Everything is in its right place.